I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
