Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
