I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
