i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
