its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
