my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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