This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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