A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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