Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
