You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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