Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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