Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
