I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
