and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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