She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
