so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
