i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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