i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
