She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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