Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
this boner is exhausting
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
