you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
false alarm, still single
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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