I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
