Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
