I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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