i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
