either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...