I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.