ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize