I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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