Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
