i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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