Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
