Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish you could order shots online.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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