I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
