Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
