My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
