I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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