Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
