I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
