she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
