When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
