happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
