i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
3 2 1 whiskey
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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