i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you win again, gameday.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
