My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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