how can u be prego again
Pappa wants mamma naked
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The beer is more important than you right now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
