Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
