i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
