just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
