haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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