Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
