My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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