I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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