I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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