I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
3 2 1 whiskey
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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