My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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