I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
