just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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