My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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