mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize