ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
