Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
