I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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