absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
