I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
