She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
