we need to drink 2009 down the drain
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
