the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
