Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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